After far too long being gay for his own amusement, Our Resident Full Time Homosexual is back and turning his Queer Eye at another skater to see what he thinks. As you all know, women all strive to have a Gay Best Friend who they will use as the first port of call for advice and guidance, so taking notes of what our Gay has to say will no improve your chances with women. Or Gays. Either way you’re covered… This time the ever vigilant Queer Eye is aimed at Nike SB and Blueprint rider Mr Thomas Henry Harrison… Brace yourselves…
Heeeey Boys! Your favourite gay is back with another instalment of Queer Eye for the Skate Guy. I’ve got 4 cocktails in me and another on the go (Vodka with Russian tonic… purely because it’s pink) so let’s dive right in and reinforce as many of the stereotypes about bitchy, hungry-for-straight-cock gays as we can!
Appearance – Looks
So, he’s kind of adorable, huh? This one’s going to be tricky. It’s easier to be a bitchy, judgemental queen when you don’t want to bang your subject right off the bat. Right, give me a minute I’m sure I’ll think of something… Nope, dammit, he’s even cute in this picture where he looks stoned, which is a big plus because everyone knows that gay men love drugs almost as much as they love cock and bumming. Also… drug addicts are open to experimentation. Double whammy!
Appearance – Clothing
Skinny jeans. Ew. I suppose he gets points for not going in the other direction with ultra baggy jeans. I’m just jealous I can’t pull off skinny jeans. Gay Pro Tip: don’t look better in something the guy (or girl, I guess) you’re hoping to end up fucking can’t pull off.
On the subject of hair, I really like his. It’s sort of foppish and traditional but also messy and fun. I’m struggling to find something bitchy to say about his hair… it’s too gay I guess? Facial hair, on the other hand, is not his strong suit. He should keep it clean shaven. You’re either blessed with the beard (hello, me) or you’re not. Leave beards to the sexy daddy bears like myself who like to fondle twinks.
Boy can skate, fo sho. This is definitely my weak area though. Anyone who can stay upright on a plank of wood? On wheels?While in motion? Going over curbs ‘n half pipes ‘n shit qualifies as an amazing skater to me! You could tell me he’s shit but based on what I’ve seen I’d blow him on the spot (well, a secluded parking lot). Does that make me a slut? Maybe. Does it make me a slut with cool tricks [IS 'TRICK' A WORD YOU USE IN ENGLAND TO MEAN GUY WHO GOES WITH A PROSTITUTE? IF NOT THIS IS THE CONTEXT I AM USING IT IN]. Definitely.
Maybe it’s the vodka talking but I think I’m in love. The motherfucker cooks, gets in trouble with the law, and has an adorable accent. I’m not sure if he’s got any gay in him but I’m wondering if he would like to? Talk to me…
Should you feel the need to talk to him, you can, by following our lovable gay here:
Just tell him we sent you…